Perfect

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has got faults. But why do I constantly feel guilty and apologetic for not being perfect? Things pass, we move on. But at times I would keep beating myself up over past things. I would tell myself that if we're born perfect, then life would not have meanings. If we're already perfect, we will not know how to cope with life and how to share the experience with others. But then, I still feel guilty.

I have been a person who made mountains out of moles, keeping quiet all the feelings and annoyances until I make a mountain of tiny moles and stop talking or become very mad at someone who has no knowledge of it or of his/her wrongs/faults. This is a common attitude of many people, but as I learned that it was wrong, I tried and improved myself. I think I have improved, hopefully. But when I share this with others, explaining to them how the making of mountains of unspoken moles can harm our social relationships, although knowing I'm helping them avoid such a mistake, in the back of my mind, I feel guilty being the one who shares it. Because I've done it. And from time to time I still beat myself up over it.

I've done this. Whereas for those who really does harm me out in the open, I quietly tolerated with them and did not respond/re-act. I was still nice to them and pretended I didn't know about their bad intentions. I put up with the results they had built and paved way for me. What was wrong with me?

So another lesson I learned was to be quicker in responding to these evils. Respond with wit. Take actions and sideline them immediately if necessary, to avoid the potential harms and bigger clashes in the future. Get them out of the system as fast as you can.

These two lessons have been a big learning process -- not letting communication become an issue harming good friendships but use communication to act as means to foster it; and trash evils before they get their ways with you.

Life is all about learning. You learn, re-learn, learn, reflect, learn some more. I just wish through the course of all this learning, I would beat myself up less about things.